Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
