Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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