Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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