At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
