So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
