Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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