You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
