Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
