friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
