I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
