drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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