He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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