Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
