I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
