Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
did i walk over a car last night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
