he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
