Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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