The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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