If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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