So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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