Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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