i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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