just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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