that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
