If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
