Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
