Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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