Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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