Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
3 2 1 whiskey
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
