It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
