You can't special order awesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
