Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont even know how to be here
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
