I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
