I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
