its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
