After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
