Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
