Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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