I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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