So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
