spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
