We're like a lot better than the average bears
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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