We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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