can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
