is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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