I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
