I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
