theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
