I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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