someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
