It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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